Introduction

 My name is Krista. Our family suffered a miscarriage on October 12,2012. Her name is Angel Nicole (Messenger of Victory). It is my hope that in sharing our story healing will come to those who read it. Please know that you are not alone. Your feelings ARE valid and it is ok to take the time you need to process through this. The child you grieve is important and worthy of honor.

The loss of a child is NEVER easy. Whether you held them in your womb for a short time, carried them full term only to have them born sleeping or to have their life was cut short for some other no good reason. To have a child go before you is heart wrenching. Yes you appreciate and love of your other family members in ways you never did before , but the truth is you want THE CHILD you LOST TOO! The child you lost was just as important and just as wanted as the family you now hold and kiss in your arms. You do your best to hold it together to love the ones you're with while mourning the precious soul that is not here. Yes that soul is in the best place, the arms of Jesus but to be honest, selfishly you want them back. Unless you have experienced it first hand you cannot imagine the ache. No sermon, no spoken word, nothing makes what happened ok. The only comfort comes in knowing  that I will see Angel again some day.But honestly some days even that is not enough. I hold on to hope as I do my best to process the loss and care for my family here and now. They do their best to comfort me not having a clue how to make Mommy feel better or why she is crying again, not knowing the words to say to take away the sting of daily reminders. Yes I am blessed with two beautiful boys and an amazing husband. I am so very thankful for that fact. In my heart of hearts I just want my baby back.
However I must press on and process this pain and allow it to do its work in me. I must allow this pain to drive me into the arms of the only one who understands my ache. I must allow Him to heal me and care for my broken heart. Because if I do not nothing good can come of this. So I lay down and open my chest, expose my heart and soul and say come Holy Spirit. Do what only you can do. Amen